By Marcia James

Martin Schreiber, former Governor of Wisconsin, wrote a book called My Two Elaines and I attended his book tour session at Fort Atkinson’s library.  I asked him when did he know it was time to move his wife Elaine from their home to memory care.  He said, “You will know.”

That same question was asked of me by a prominent Whitewater resident who cares for his wife in their home.  I offered when you no longer have a life or when she is no longer safe.

Even though I have college degrees, I never had a class in dementia.  I did acquire a journal on one of the facets of dementia:  Alzheimer’s.  But there is not a to-do list.  Our good friend gave me a number to hire someone to live with us.  But Rich’s need for groups of people and to be outside discouraged me from pursuing that avenue.  So a woman I exercised with encouraged me to check out a memory care facility.  My neighbor Dee Simon and I took a scheduled tour and met with the manager and the nurse.  The rooms were spacious and had ensuite bathrooms. The activity schedule seemed perfect for “social” Rich.  The room he occupies has a garden view.

After talking with our sons and his doctor, I scheduled a move in date.  I backed out but then my older son had a serious talk with me and got me to reschedule.  He and his wife decorated Rich’s room so that when he arrived the next day, he had some familiarity.

We went to the prairie and he had an abbreviated last walk with his dog and me.  Then we went to the facility.  He only got out of the car when he saw Dee who joined us in this transition. I chose this facility because even during a pandemic, I could be with him mostly in his room and—weather permitting—in the garden.

My next article will address the financial and legal considerations of a situation like ours.

This article is submitted by Dementia Friendly Community Initiative, a program of Whitewater Seniors in the Park.  https://www.whitewater-wi.gov/273/Seniors-In-the-Park 

More resources for caregivers:
https://mytwoelaines.com/index.php/about-martin/
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/how-choose-nursing-home

Editor’s note: This is the second article in a series. To access the first article, please click here.