The Dementia Friendly Community Initiative writes, “We received a story from one of our caregivers that makes two (at least) great points: How dementia changes the brain and why friends and family should keep visiting.“
Mom has progressed to stage 4 out of 5 with her dementia. Her demeanor has changed. Although she still has her obstinate moments, she is becoming happy, affectionate, and appreciative. From what I hear, happiness is not a typical part of the progress of this disease. Depression and aggression are more common, so how wonderful it is that mom is happy these days! As happy as I have ever seen her.
This is due in part to loss of short term memory and in part to her attachment to me. Without her memory, she doesn’t retain good or bad experiences, they are gone from her mind. Her brain is filled with the here and now and maybe because I have learned to share warmth, kindness, a gentle touch, her here-and-now is happiness.
The part of the brain that processes facts and logic is the first to go, but feelings, good and bad, are there to the end. I began to give Mom a gentle pat on the thigh when I sat down beside her. She started to return the gentle touch. After a few weeks, she began putting her head on my shoulder. When people come to see her, she anticipates good feelings and her face lights up.
Being appreciative seems to go back to the manners that we were taught as small children. Unlike adult life when people use manners out of habit, mom has a strong sense of sharing gratitude. Maybe she knows it feels good to receive kindness, so passes it on. When my grandfather was in a nursing home at the age of 93, he had good manners to the end.
Mom has been stubborn her whole life. When she graduated from sixth grade, her mother bought the dress she liked instead of the one my Mom wanted. Mom had a very unhappy expression in the photo. If Mom decides she’s not going to take her pills, it is not going to happen and I have to find a different way to administer her medication. That hasn’t changed.
Love is a primal feeling. It is what brings us together, like the gentle touch, smile or kind gesture. As the brain deteriorates, love stays. If I ask Mom if she is fine, she will reply, “I am fine because you are here.” That is a phrase that I will hear in my mind for the rest of my life. As for those that stay away from people with dementia because they think they cannot love, those friends and family are missing out on a big part of life.
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This article submitted by Dementia Friendly Community Initiative, a program of Whitewater Seniors in the Park to help inform the community about dementia and to support patients and caregivers. New members are always welcome! Contact jfrench@whitewater-wi.gov or call Jennifer French at 262 473 0535. More resources for caregivers:
https://www.co.walworth.wi.us/376/Aging-Disability-Resource-Center
